Personality

What is Personality?

Personality describes patterns of behavior, cognition, and emotions which stay relatively consistent for a person over long periods of time. Although everyone might feel or behave differently based on situational variables, our personalities can be characterized by unique psychological themes that can change or be intentionally shaped.

A simple way to describe personality is that it’s how you interpret information, what your internal reaction is, and what actions you take in response.

Note

Example: If you attend a party where you don’t know anyone, your personality determines your experience. Are you someone who keeps to yourself and feels intimidated by so many new people? Are you someone who gets excited and moves around the room meeting everyone? Are you someone who camps out by the food and talks to people as they come around you, someone who tends to find someone to lock in with for a deeper conversation, someone who has little interest in talking but you’ll dance with anyone, or do you act a different way entirely?

Two different people could be in an identical environment and have very different experiences; the way that we interpret information from that circumstance, the way that we internally react to it, and the way that we end up acting determines our personality.

There are many different approaches to understanding and studying personality, so the descriptive terms can vary widely depending on the field or theoretical approach. You might hear terms like traits, domains, schemas, frameworks, narratives, organizations, temperaments, drives, adaptations, or others! It’s important to note that people are endlessly complex, so any description of them will always be an oversimplification.

How is Personality Different from Identity?

If personality is “who you are” then identity is “who you think you are.”

When you are at a party where you don’t know anyone, you may feel excited about meeting people, but you don’t think to yourself “I am a people person and I love meeting new people, so I will now talk to all of these people.” The latter is a descriptor of your identity, whereas personality is the way you tend to interpret, react, and behave.

How is personality developed?

Personality is shaped through our experiences. Ideally, our interactions with our parents help shape our personality in a positive way. The goal of parenting is largely to help children adopt their own adapted personality characteristics for interpreting, reacting, and acting in life.

An example of personality development

Imagine you are a teenager faced with the challenge of asking your crush to go on a date and hearing “I’m not looking to date right now.” You might:

1. Interpret their response as a lie intended to spare your feelings.
2. Internally react by:
   • Ignoring what they said, because of your interpretation that it was a lie
   • Feeling distraught and rejected because deep down you believe they want nothing to do with you
3. Change your actions by never asking that person—or anyone else—out ever again.

A parent who is aware of this situation could use their own developed personality to help you to…

1. Reinterpret the information: “What did your crush actually say? They’re not looking to date right now. How do we know this is a lie and it means they don’t like you? What if they’re telling the truth? What if they really like you, but they can’t date right now because their life is chaotic? Would it make sense to say “I’m not looking to date right now” in that case?
2. Regulate your reaction: They might say “Asking someone on a date will usually feel risky” and help you learn emotional regulation techniques (like going for a walk while talking about your life and/or connecting to your support system when you are struggling with difficult emotions).
3. Thoughtfully choose your decided action: This might mean asking your crush for clarity, expressing gratitude for their honesty, or exploring other options.

Changing Your Personality

While everyone has an intrinsic personality, it is possible to learn different ways to think and behave.

• You can be introverted, but still practice and develop the skills required to talk to a room full of people.
• You can be highly neurotic, but reduce that neuroticism through meditation and psychotherapy.
• You might be low in conscientiousness but increase that conscientiousness through emotional processing and reflection.

Tip

All of these traits can be worked on to move them into more constructive ways of interpreting, thinking, and behaving.

Don’t worry about having the right personality or having the wrong personality. Instead, think about your personality and find the pathways toward change which are best-suited to your strengths.

Danger

Don’t be cringe: It’s possible to shape your own personality, but careful not to fall into the trap of attaching identity (ego) to your personality in the process.

Someone might have great personal traits like humility or generosity — but it’s very different to identify as “someone who is humble or generous” as opposed to simply having a personality which includes those qualities. Likewise, enjoying gaming could be an aspect of your personality, but constantly telling people about how you are a gamer, expressing what games a “real gamer” like you plays, and/or mentioning how good you are at gaming conflates identity with personality and quickly becomes cringe.

Remember: personality is not identity.

Is it okay to want someone else’s personality?

If you respect parts of someone else’s personality—whether this is a patient mentor, a charismatic YouTuber, or an anime character who is incredibly loyal—it’s natural and often positive to want to embody those traits yourself. This is a natural part of being human, as well as why peer pressure is effective.

Tip

To change your personality, work on changing your interpretations, internal reactions, and actions and remember: personality is not the same thing as identity.

Theories of Personality

Does the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) accurately assess personality?

The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) is a useful descriptive personality assessment developed and studied by the Myers-Briggs Research Institute. However, it is a proprietary model and therefore has not been independently validated.

Note

MBTI is based on Ayurveda — Myers-Briggs was based on the work of Carl Jung, who was heavily informed by Ayurveda.

While MBTI can be a useful lens to understand behavior, it’s not a great way to make predictions about what you’ll do or who you’ll be. However, it can be used to plan and structure your life to accommodate strengths and weaknesses.

Does the Big 5 (Five Factor Personality/OCEAN Model) accurately assess personality?

The Big 5 is the most validated framework for personality. This model states that most people’s personalities can be placed on five different axes:

1. Extroversion refers to how extroverted or introverted someone is. This doesn’t necessarily mean how social you are, but instead aims to quantify how one prefers to relax. Do you gain energy from being around people or from being on your own?
2. Openness is the tendency to be willing to engage in new experiences. Low openness might imply that someone is “traditional” or “stuck in their ways.”
3. Agreeableness is a measure of how likely you are to get along with people and how malleable you are.
4. Conscientiousness is the ability to focus on a task for extended periods of time. This axis also governs impulse control.
5. Neuroticism is one’s tendency to worry.

Danger

Avoid placing moral judgments on your Big 5 traits. Neuroticism is not always a bad trait, as worrying about future consequences is an adaptive quality which can help you succeed. Those who are too low in neuroticism may become people who sit around instead of taking action. Similarly, high conscientious is not necessarily better than low conscientiousness, but different advantages and disadvantages may arise. Western society, for instance, tends to reward those with high conscientiousness.

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Whatever personality classification tool you use, start by understanding what it says about you as you are right now. Then, you can use this to develop a strategy to adapt the personality traits you desire. Play to your own unique strengths.

Relevant Videos

• How to Have a Personality
• What to Do If You Stole Your Personality
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• Finding Purpose After Success: Unmasking Your True Personality
• Success as an Introvert and Introvert Social Skills
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